to keep living or to bloom brighter
new year goals, the child in me, and the real difference between existing and thriving
I looked at the thread of messages and my heart ached. I felt deeply for her. She had goals, dreams and wishes, but she didn’t believe she could ever accomplish them. Should I tell what I thought? I did, even if it felt like I was mothering her a bit too much for the few months I had known her. But I once was eighteen like her, and I knew how it felt to think all one could do was to keep on living. “Things will never change”, I’d sigh miserably.
How I had wished for a long time to tell my younger self that things were going to be alright. That I’d know what to do. That I’d find the ambition to make things work, and that soon God’s providence would arrange my human efforts with beauty and divine detail. So I replied all the things I would have told myself a few years ago. And if I sounded like her mother or a condescending older sister, well it doesn’t really matter.
So I typed away…
Just because it doesn’t seem possible now, doesn’t mean you can’t get several steps or leaps closer to them this year. It’s a false conception that you can achieve it all in a single year, and deep down, humans all know this. Some goals or dreams take only days and weeks, others take months and years; but what is crucial is to be optimistic and trust in God, unless He shows us not to pursue those dreams or to slow down on our goals.
The above means that New Year’s resolutions are the most unrealistic way of setting goals. That’s exactly why very few people get through with all of them or even part of them, really. The solution? I ask myself:
1) what needs to stay,
2) what needs to improve,
3) what needs to change.
This forces me to think deeper than superficial goals, so it lasts a lifetime.“Comparison is the killer of dreams”. I learned this the hard way and it was my biggest roadblock in life. The appearance of success most likely doesn’t show the hidden struggle had or being had to get there, if the success is even real. Also, success is relative and measurable in different ways according each person’s belief of success. What is success to one isn’t for someone else. Ultimately, God is the only barometer in this matter (Matthew 19:26), and so I just stop looking at what others are doing.
(There, you have it, minus the contractions, the spelling mistakes, the abbreviations, the emojis, and the plus and equal signs.)
That day, I unknowingly healed the shy little brunette in me that couldn’t believe she’d be saying this to someone younger someday. But this precious moment with that beautiful person, willing to be vulnerable, even though separated by screens and distance, just convinced me all the more that this world aches for meaning, and looks for it every New Year. Ugh, resolutions… seriously, how many had I written and never felt I had done them in a satisfactory measure?
Instead of writing goals out of the shame of a year past, the last few years I’ve written them with the ambition and eagerness of meeting the older version of me; the mature, the stable, the happy.
I’m aware I’m writing this 9 days late, but I don’t believe it makes a difference. Instead, it gives me the time to muse over the past 365 days and understand 1) what needs to stay, 2) what needs to improve, 3) what needs to change. And if the algorithm gets mad of my lateness, well perhaps it needs to learn that humans each have their own time to reflect, ponder and decide.
Anyway, as I reflected these past few days, I decided that these are the things happening for me in 2025. That is, these are loose goals I set to work towards and achieve. But as life can be unpredictable and I have no control over it, I give myself the permission to redirect and steer it in whatever way God impresses me.
Work on getting my personal devotions even deeper by reading books in parallel of my study and exploring books, parts and themes of the Bible I don’t usually or often take the time to study. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
Getting completely off of Instagram. In October 2024, I completely deleted my personal account, but I kept my website’s (sorry, this will also be coming off the web, sadly) account. I barely used it except for a class in communications (where we needed at least one social media account)… but it needs to come off, so I can officially say with a clear conscience that I am no longer in the land of masks and comparison. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
Using less screen time. And more in-person, more hobbies, more outdoors. More of life and adventure. Less drama and scrolling. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
Start saving for long-term goals. Really, that’s self-explanatory. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
... That’s not to say that vision boards are wrong. They are often a wonderful source of inspiration… Complete a skill training/course. There is one specific one I really want to go through and complete, but I’m not telling anyone about it yet. It’s going to happen in my free time and the few spare moments I have after my assignments and deadlines are met. Yet I need to do it, because it’s an unexpected door that opened to me after much prayer, and I feel an unsettled curiosity to discover its purpose in my life. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
Become quieter and more focused about my goals and dream. Because in 2024, I learned that most of my challenges and discouragement came from people who had no business in knowing about them. And their opinions became a clutter of loud voices and noise that hindered me greatly. Those who deserve to know are the ones who will give me unprojected counsel and support without spreading rumours. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
Move and create. A lot more. Spend more time outside. Unleash the colours, the words, the dreams and the ideas. I want to make things move, to make things happen, to create and change things. I don’t want to store potential energy. I want to be kinetic energy. I want to thrive, not merely exist.
They say that the number seven is the perfect number. It symbolizes completion and perfection. While I’m far from being perfect, to me, it means growth. A state of improvement, to perfect, to refine. I want to live my life not just toiling, surviving and simply existing, but to live it in all its fullness.
In the striving, in the growth pains, in the joys, the sadness, the humanity.
I want to live life in its fullest bloom, and better yet, I want to blossom.
Truth is I want to thrive. Not merely exist.
And the petite eighteen-year-old brunette inside of me ? She’s wide-eyed at the woman who once believed one can only keep on living and hoping.
With warmth,
Eliana